Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

by George Burkinshaw

Many people have a multitude of views on this subject, not to mention the varied opinions held by the many different religious faiths in our nation.  Truly, divorce represents a major problem facing our nation and homes.  What does the Bile teach on this subject?  After a careful study of God's word, I have come to see that what many people an religions think and believe as truth is out of line with what the Bible teaches.  The sadness is that many, if not most, divorces would be prevented if sane, biblical counsel had been heeded before marriage.  And, if during a time of trouble people would seek God and his principles to heal and mend their troubled life.  Let us approach this subject by attempting to answer the questions most often asked.

What is marriage in God's sight?  Matt 19:5-6.  Marriage is both a physical and spiritual relationship between a man and a woman.  In God's sight a marriage exists when a man and a woman consent to, and consummate a sexual encounter with each other.   The physical relationship is shown in two becoming one flesh, where as the spiritual union found is in the forsaking of mother and father.  This is to show us that the marital relationship in God's plan is to be the strongest of spiritual ties between humans.  Even stronger than the parent child relationship.  This understanding is also to be found in the traditional marriage vows, forsaking all others!

What are the reasons for marriage?  To fill basic human needs that a loving God fully understands, such as: FELLOWSHIP, Gen 2:18, " And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone."; PARTNERSHIP, Eccles 4:9-11 " Two are better than one, for if they fall, one will lift up the other."  and to satisfy BIOLOGICAL DESIRES in a reasonable and responsible manner, 1Cor 7:9, "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."

When then should people marry?  Since our subject is a wholesome marriage in the sight of God, we cannot recommend  that anyone proceed into marriage without much prayer and the seeking of God's will in the matter.  This done by common sense and the application of spiritual principles from God's word.  Wisdom and prudence would show that it is best to marry a mature Christian person with similar background, tastes, education, religion and interest.  The premise that opposites attract is false in the marital realm where people are committing themselves to a lifetime together.  Opposites generally only present a short infatuation that will most likely turn to a deep resentment when conflict and contentions arise over deeply seated personal preferences.   As a minister of the Gospel, I receive about ten requests per year to perform marriage ceremonies.  Yet, I have only performed six in my entire ministry.  Why? Because as a responsible minister of the Gospel, I will not perform a marriage for any couple without a three month notice.  This is coupled with a request of five meetings between myself and the couple to discuss the ramifications of marriage and its responsibilities.  In these meetings, it is recommended to the couple planning a marriage, that they make sure each knows the other well enough to discern his or her likes and dislikes, good points and bad points.  If the negative points found in one's future spouse are many and too negative to live with for a lifetime, I recommend that the marriage not take place.  Many a marriage has failed because one spouse tried in vain to reform the other, and only drew resentment.  Thus, I ask for a three month waiting period to insure a minimal time period for personal reflection and consideration of the consequences to this, most important of life's commitments.  It is true that prudence would recommend engagements of one year or more to establish mature love.  It would also eliminate the chances of a marriage based on infatuation.  Which can never stand the testing of time and tribulation.

Marriage is ot for immature adults.  It carries heavy responsibilities requiring maturity and experience.  If a couple is perceived to be immature, a responsible minister will inform them that they should be patient and allow more time for growth before entering a marriage doomed to fail.  Here the parents should have wisdom to discourage their children from a hasty and early marriage.  In most all marriages of younger couples, I counsel them to wait for the blessings of their parents before they get married.

Now if the couple feels confident in their love and still wish to marry, it is time to discuss the Biblical principles of a happy marriage.  A successful marriage is to be based on the genuine heart bonding of the couple.  Both should be willing to establish a Christian home with the husband as head and the wife as a pleasant helpmate, united in a family altar(Eph.5:21-33).  The healthy marriage is to be based on a lifetime anticipation, till death us do part.  Marriage is not an experiment for a short time, but permanent.  The successful marriage should have the blessing of children (Psa 127:3-5).  Let both wholeheartedly agree to keep the Christian marriage vows at all cost.  Should one partner be reluctant, then delay the marriage and wait for maturity.

Marriage privileges must be reserved until after marriage.  Failure her results in a marriage that is not built on mutual respect.  Let both husband and wife remain virgins till the wedding night, then they will learn to have  a lifelong lasting respect for the honor of the other.  I realize that most prefer a more expedient pastor, but haste makes waste, and divorce causes great waste  in time, money and human potential.  The course I have chosen to instruct young couples, as God's minister, give and is well worth the short, temporary popularity.

Divorce, this subject is one I find personally annoying as I watch many different religions deal with one of life's most traumatic experiences.  There is a very strange and sick mentality in many religions today similar to that which our society now holds regarding the Holy Bible.  As you should now, in the last thirty years of our nation's history we have seen the removal of the Bible from our public schools.  Yet, almost every state in America requires, by law, the placing of Bibles in its correctional facilities.  I believe the phrase is " a day late and a dollar short."  Do not many people and religious faiths treat marriage frivolously before the wedding, but then look upon the divorced couple with disdain when their marriage fails?

This hypocrisy is made even more vile when you consider that often one spouse is more responsible than the other in obtaining the divorce.  God in his wisdom and justice understands that there are certain events that we cannot control in our lives and he has made provisions to protect the innocent party.  There are three cases in the scriptures that free the innocent party from his or her marriage vows.  The first is the death of one's mate: Rom 7:3, 1Cor 7:39.  To which most a ll will agree.  The second is fornication: Matt 19:9, to which many will agree.  Yet most do not understand that Biblically defined fornication covers all sexual sins, not just adultery.  I am not surprised that in this somewhat mentally deficient and wicked world, the illicit affairs of homosexuals and lesbians should not also be grounds for divorce, as found in God's Holy word.  Now we come to the third ground for divorce, which very few seem to comprehend, yet the scriptures and common sense teach very  clearly.  Abandonment ends the marriage and is completely beyond the control of the one abandoned.   "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart.  A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." 1Cor 7:15.  Here, many including Fundamental Baptist and Catholics will not recognize that which both god, justice, and common sense can easily understand.  If a person's spouse calls off the marriage and leaves, abandoning the unwilling party, that person is free from their vows and may remarry.  Why do these two groups feel the need to punish the forsaken party by demanding they remain unmarried.  Or that they pay great sums to have the wedding annulled before a remarriage?  A more careful study of God's holy word is required before binding  grievous burdens on already wounded and hurting people!  Let not my adversaries say that this only applies to departing spouses not professing Christianity.  For Jesus already clearly stated in Matt 18:17, that if one should not heart the Church, he was to be considered as a heathen man.  Both Baptist, Catholic and most all Christian faiths teach rightly that God hates divorce and putting away.   Why then this harsh treatment of so many Christians, who have been abandoned or put away by their unfaithful spouse?  Please do not say that I have misstated the positions of many Baptist and Catholics, and also many other Christian faiths.  Those who cannot receive communion and remain unmarried for the unfaithfulness of their spouse are today a great multitude of hurting and grieving souls.  Neither does Matthew 19:9 apply here, because our Lord was responding to a question of the law that allowed a man to put away his wife for any reason.  The verse "and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." applies to those who, like many Hollywood celebrities, try to justify their whoredoms with multiple marriages.  It does not apply to those who have been left abandoned and desolate by insincere spouses.  Hear ye God's word!  "The soul that sinneth, it shall die.  The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither hall the father bear the iniquity of the son:  The righteousness of the righteous, shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked, shall be upon him."  It is a principle of God's holiness that every soul shall give account of himself to God.  There is no place on the scriptures where God holds any man accountable for that which he lacks control.

I believe that if those professing Christ would take a much more serious approach to marriage before the wedding, then much sorrow and heartache would be greatly reduced and God would be glorified and men edified.  Here, at Calvary, we teach God's word in the context of God's word!  "Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other."  Psalm 85:10